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indifferent I
just finished reading Barack Obama's book Dreams from My Father.
I was
not disappointed by the book's descriptive lyrical sentences. I
described this book to my dad who noticed I was reading
while
we were eating dinner at Old Country Buffet. He asked me what it was
about and I gave him a brief synposis. Then he picked the book
for a minute, turned it the book and studied it some more. I told my
father that I saw Senator Obama at Dekalb when he visited. In a
crowded library room. I remember the visit hazily now but clearly I
remembered how he spoke to the people. He spoke honestly, and with a
firm belief that is refreshing for a Freshman Senator. Most of all I
remember how he spoke. I described it to myself as lyrical. The only
way I can explain it now that I think about it. While I was talking to
my father about his book, that was how I described his book, I said to
my father. "He writes the way he speaks." I don't know if that made
sense to my dad but at the time It made sense to me.
His book made me think about the confusion over coming to terms with
his father after making a trip to Kenya and as a African
American. it made me think about my own future and the confusion
my children will face.
I don't know how else to phrase my questions, reflections thoughts without rambling. But, I doubt many people will care.
Will the opinons of the world swallow my heritage, my culture, my
identity so I bury my feelings deep inside so I don't know who I am. As
an adult will my failures and hurts of this world bury my heart so I
become unfeeling, stone hearted against the cruelty of the world. Or
will I be swallowed by magpieism? So entranced by shiny things that I
won't even stop being so self centered and look around the things that
matters more then celebrities, clothes, popularism, make-up, wealth and
moving up the social ladder? Will I be buried alive under all this by
the time I'm in my thirties too indifferent to care?
I'm twenty years old. I've seen, heard and experienced things I
shouldn't have as a child, but has made me more stronger growing up.
Northern has taught me two lessons about friendships and people I
should have been more the wiser to know but I've faithfully ignored:
1. Friends come and go but the ones who stick with you are the ones you will cherish till the end.
2. People stab you in the back all the time. It hurts when it happens but you learn to deal.
I know these are obvious things but I have ignored both rules and
painfully learned both. Because of lesson #2 I have become more
distrustful toward people. I am becoming indifferent, tired and buried
alive.
I don't know what else to say or how else to put my thoughts to words.
Maybe in a different entry I will find my words and thoughts again. I
have a goal as long as I am at Northern.
Goal:
1. Restore the fountain.
The fountain is my favorite spot at Northern. It is a shallow pond in
the middle of a few of the academic buildings. People pass it all the
time and some carelessly throw garbage into the water stream. I thought
they were going to fix it last summer but it is still empty. I love to
sit down and watch the waters stream by when the weather heats up feed
the ducks pieces of bread. I want to plead to the University to fix it
so it can be fully restored. I will probably give Northern another year
to fix it and if not..then I will go into action. Wish me luck!
I still think I am going crazy about being buried alive. But its not the first time I've been paranoid.
Until I gather up my thoughts again....
~Jenny Lieu~
December 18 2005, 08:32:41 UTC 6 years ago
I tend to feel slightly awkward about subjects like this: I don't really have a say about identity issues like these.
The best that I can say, and it isn't much, is: Your identity is your own. You have every right to say who you are or aren't. If other people want to put you into little boxes, thats their problem.
And forgetting your heritage? With your folks? Seems unlikely to me, but I could be wrong =/
Oh well. I probably didn't make any sense, but love you, little yoda, don't let things get you down.
December 18 2005, 11:10:27 UTC 6 years ago
December 18 2005, 18:55:43 UTC 6 years ago
December 18 2005, 21:09:03 UTC 6 years ago
/ends annoying nitpicking whining
That aside, Jen has probably made the most sensible post yet. I just couldn't handle the competition and had to nitpick, lol.